Disorder
by idek0219
Summary: The Grand Magic Games has everyone and everything in an uproar. Series of a-little-more-than-drabbles. *SPOILERS* and lots of pairings - Chapter 10: Distant ... Jellal - "If they live, they deserve a reward. If Jellal lives, it's back to the shadows. That has always been the plan, hasn't it?"
1. Confusing

***_*_*_*_YAY FOR HUGE INTRODUCTIONS_*_*_*_***

**This began as a one-shot called 'Confusing', but since I got a few follows and I like depressing, deep things, I decided to continue.**

**This is my angsty, kinda-depressing story going into the minds of the members of Fairy Tail and telling you what they're thinking about the whole 10,000 dragons, lies, Future!Lucy stuff - you know, the whole chunk of 'What the hell is going on?' that is the Grand Magic Games! ****I'll have a character for each chapter and what they want for the outcome/what they think will happen/whatever else I throw in there.**

**There will be LOTS AND LOTS of pairings (like Gruvia, NaLu, GaLe, Jerza, EverElf, RoWen, AlBis, MiFri, etc.) and it continues like the manga. Whatever the fandom knows, I know and that's how I do it. So if there's a big event, it won't be in the earlier chapters (unless I decide to edit them). **

**I'll update Sundays and Wednesdays, so 2 or 3 days wait for each.**

**Also, give me an idea of who you want me to do in the reviews, if you would! I'd like to hear who you want.**

**CONSIDER FAIRY TAIL AND ALL CHARACTERS DISCLAIMED FROM HERE ON.**

**Okay, phew. Introduction over. Feel free to continue to read~**

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_**1. CONFUSING**_

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Juvia Lockser is the most confusing woman Gray knows.

_(And that's saying something, because he knows a _lot_ of confusing women.)_

Lucy is a mild confusing, like most of the girls in Fairy Tail.

She's easy to deal with and fun to be around, so he could ignore the normal girl issues and usual confusion with ease. He knows to avoid certain topics like _Natsu_ and _her book_ and they can get along quite well.

_(Juvia has never liked that though, so he hasn't talked to Lucy much lately. He thinks he should – get some advice maybe – but he stops that train of thought because he thinks she has the same problem with a pink-haired dragon slayer.)_

Erza is a different story.

She's a bit more confusing than Lucy but not someone he can't handle. He can still talk to her without her having mood swings at the drop of a hat. He can see the darkness in her eyes when someone brings up Jellal, but she bounces back fairly quickly. Gray also knows to steer clear from her strawberry cake, or some serious hell will follow you for about 48 hours.

When he stood on the balcony with Erza overlooking the city during the Grand Magic Games, she tried to talk to him. He thinks maybe she thinks _he_ is the confusing one, trying to give him advice-

_(He _really _needs it.)_

-about Juvia and Lyon. And there is this looming shadow behind them, ready to crash on their heads and drown them in darkness and Zeref and winning and _dragons and-_

It's kind of pathetic that all Gray can think about is how confusing Juvia is.

But back on that balcony, she told him some things.

"You must realize by now how Juvia feels about you. Why not give her a clear-cut response?"

_(And he really wished she hadn't because they really didn't help.)_

She tried. But he can't _make everything clear_ because he has no clue what clear is supposed to be.

Juvia is _so frustrating_ and suffocating and clingy and pretty and powerful and-

He's doing it again.

Gray can't tell Juvia anything as long as they're in the Grand Magic Games and _10,000 freaking dragons_ are coming. He has too much to worry about, not even including the water mage.

_(But he swears to himself – _after_ – but then he thinks what if there is no 'after'?)_

_(Later, then.)_

_(Hopefully.)_

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**Review?**


	2. Complex

**Because I am nice, I'll give Chapter 2 to you today... It's 'cause I'm nice not because I got too antsy pssh~ what are you talkin' about?**

**I hope I do our Juvia justice. It's a bit longer - be proud of me! XD**

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_**2. COMPLEX**_

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Juvia wishes things weren't so complex.

_(It's not easy to remember the past, but-)_

She wishes days were like they were back then when you could do what you wanted and be with family and friends. When they always had your back and there was no betrayal.

_(When you could change your destiny by your own hand.)_

Things were simple. Enemies were enemies, friends were your allies, and _10,000 dragons weren't coming to attack the city and doubles of people you know didn't appear out of nowhere, claiming to be from the future. _Lies were lies and there was no confusion.

Fairy Tail is her friend, and she loves them all. She knows that nothing is as it should be. Everything is going wrong and no one knows how to fix all the problems at once, so they can only stand strong like on Tenroujiima and hope for the best outcome-

_(Which is preferably not a seven-year time skip.)_

Juvia has always hated change, despises not knowing. It's part of the reason why she thinks-

The Grand Magic Games are a twisted sport.

_(The only good thing is Gray-sama doesn't ignore Juvia like he used to.)_

Juvia loves Gray. She doesn't know what to do without him-

_(although she could live without Lyon.)_

-and strives so hard to protect him. She fears the day when the dragons come and might _(might, might, might, because certainty shouldn't be an option, not with this)_ take her Gray-sama, or her life. But she also fears for Fairy Tail, her new family, and Gajeel and Lucy and Cana _(dear, trusting, forgiving Cana)_ and all of them-

_(What would she do without them?)_

-but she makes herself more sullen, and rain starts falling.

_(The first fresh rain in weeks.)_

So Juvia thinks more about Gray.

Juvia can think about Gray all day, but she's only distracting herself. She knows there is a far worse problem than unrequited affections, but she can't bring herself to acknowledge it.

There is so much to engross herself in-

_(like dragons and pain and tears and lies and death)_

-but Juvia is content to think about her beloved and what would happen if the world never stopped turning and life was once again simple and love was returned.

_(And everyone is aware that Juvia will continue loving long after the world has gone to hell.)_

_(So when it is all over and the sun retreats to the west with the troubles and worries, she'll say she loves him, like she always does, and with luck…)_

_(She hears a response.)_

* * *

**God I love these two.**

**Juvia was kinda hard to write, I had to edit this multiple times before I was even remotely satisfied. I think Gray's was better, but let me know what you think and reviewww.**

**(I love your opinions.)**

**I won't be doing NaLu next because I can't wrap my head around Natsu ****_at all, _****so a non-pairing Wendy seemed fitting as an in-between. I can't wait for you guys to read it! It got pretty intense.**

**Since I did this early, I still owe you guys one for Wednesday, so prepare yourselves~**


	3. Desperate

**Wendy, you awkward little duck. This was one of my favorites to write. You'll be happy to know it gave even me feels. Brace yourself.**

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_**3. DESPERATE**_

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Wendy is desperate to grasp the situation.

_(She doesn't think she can.)_

But then again, Wendy had never believed in herself when she was in the guild, Caitshelter, although Charle was always there _(but somehow made her feel worse)_ and she eventually proved herself wrong. But then Caitshelter turned out to be a fake guild made just for her and she hated being strong for just that moment, so she broke down.

But Caitshelter's disappearance was _nothing compared to this._

This - is catastrophic. _Monumental_. Wendy doesn't want to know, but she clings hopelessly to the thought of understanding and being able to help, but she's never been an efficient fighter, and against 10,000 dragons, she is miniscule and weak.

Fairy Tail was there for her when she was left alone. Surely, they have allies _(she's _seen_ them)_ and other people that can save her and they - they can-

_(They can only _try_, because the entire situation is up in the air and no one knows who to trust or where to go or what to do-)_

It's hopeless. It's not like the other times they tried to save each other. It's madness.

Wendy thinks her position in the matter is one of the best. Someone weak, probably killed off easily if the dragons _do_ come-

_(Fairy Tail would _kill_ her if they caught her thinking like that.)_

But she can't help it because she was always the frail one. And she wants to be strong.

_(Like Erza and Lucy and Levy and Natsu and Gray and Juvia and Gajeel and _Jellal_-)_

Yes, even Jellal is helping, after everything he has done, he is still standing and _Erza stands beside him_ and all she can do is sit back and watch as they are slaughtered.

It's sick.

Wendy wants to be helpful and to understand why her allies are challenged and defeated _because_ of their strength and maybe if she just _knows why things are the way they are then she could fight and prove that Fairy Tail will be strong no matter what and they won't give up_, but everything is scrambled and nothing is ever fair for her precious Fairy Tail.

She wonders what will become of Fiore, when it happens. Or what if all of this is a lie and nothing will happen?

_(She wishes that it wouldn't.)_

She worries for Romeo, too. She wonders - what if Fiore doesn't fall into chaos, and if they lived normally together?

_(But her hearts beats faster when she thinks of him that way. So she stops.)_

Her recently made _friend_ is so upbeat, and it's hard not to join in his happiness. So she acts cheerful for her Romeo but is breaking up inside because she can never grasp the concept of why _they_ are targeted for tragedy.

_(If she was only _stronger_, she'd be able to save them.)_

_(But she's not.)_

_(So she can't.)_

* * *

**I feel like I made her sound depressed... and/or suicidal. I keep thinking that she absolutely _cannot_ be angsty but I think I proved that _yes, she definitely can_. /sigh/ I have a problem.**

**Those last three lines, though. Whoa. Damn, I am angsty. How did I write that?**

**Oh, and I realized last minute that Wendy is often shipped with Romeo, and I originally had it without romance, but I needed some RoWen. I hope it doesn't sound too kid-crushy.**

**NOTE: I've tried to lay out all the chapters that this will be and it came up to about 15 and then an epilogue... SO. I'll probably update, instead of Wednesdays and Sundays, every other day or every two days, and maybe a 2 days in a row every once in a while. Okay? I just don't want the arc to finish before I do.**

**And I've written up to like chapter 6 or 7... idk.**

**Anyway, reviews are appreciated and treasured forever~ I think Chapter 4 calls for some GaLe. ;D**


	4. Overwhelming

**I love you guys. :3**

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_**4. OVERWHELMING**_

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Gajeel feels overwhelmed, like he's drowning.

_(He's only felt this way once before, and it scares him.)_

It was on Tenroujiima. He and Shrimp were partners.

He'd liked that time with her, though he'd never admit. He liked that she chose the 'calm' route - he didn't want her hurt-

_(Though it didn't prove to be enough, later. They were all hurt.)_

Now, he'd take any time he could with her. Who knows what will happen next and he needs to protect her from anything he can and she can't be lost in the Grand Magic Games because she's classier than that. Even if she wasn't he'd tell her to be. She seems to always listen to what he says.

_(It's not always a good thing.)_

Gajeel is not good with words, unlike her, so he can't say how he's feeling. With everything, he is surprised he can feel anything but numb.

_(There is a monster. And it's not him. And he's afraid.)_

He can't say that, though. That'd hurt his pride, so even if he could, he wouldn't.

Shrimp would have no trouble saying what she thought. She'd be unwavering and strong, at least that's what he'd like to think. But he can never be sure, can he? Anthing can happen when dragons are involved. That - he knows for a fact.

He is brave for the most part. But when he thinks about what could happen-

_(What _will_ happen. No one starts a rumour as influential as that. It couldn't happen.)_

-he is terrified because what if he loses all he has gained? All he worked for - lost in a single day.

To dragons.

There is no way in hell he'd let another dragon take his things. There is no way in hell he'd let another dragon lay a _talon on his_-

_uhm...the_ Shrimp. And the others.

But so much is untold and he doesn't know what to think. What were you supposed to think? There are so many 'what if's?' in the Grand Magic Games, it's hard to identify some things from others.

_(Gajeel likes to sit and think about unanswerable questions, but there are too many this time.)_

What would happen if the world ended? Well, it would end, but would the armageddon continue indefinitely? Would they all stay dead? Is it even possible for them to stay dead? Or would some have the strength to stand back up? He knows that it is impossible, but he can imagine the Salamander doing just that, along with his bunny girl. He can imagine Shrimp doing that. And Lily.

_(He doesn't know if he could.)_

He's beaten a shadow before, and he'll do it again. But this one is too big, and-

_(His heart of iron wavers.)_

_(He'd told the Shrimp he'd make her big.)_

_(He doesn't feel so big now.)_

* * *

**I'll say it right now. Gajeel was freaking _impossible_ to write for. _Impossible._ I think it turned okay, though. Hm. I really need to get moving on my other chapters -.-**

**This one has a different feel to it, also... I don't know why, but it does. Maybe it's less angst?**

**Tell me what you think.**

**Also, I like to think that he likes to sit and just think sometimes. (Of course, inherited from Levy.)**


	5. Bleak

**I'm saving Levy for later because I'm mean. She's not that far away though, no worries. **

**I'm assuming that no feedback means the chapter was good...?**

* * *

_**5. BLEAK**_

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The other Lucy foretold that her future was bleak.

_(Why did it have to be _herself_ that came from the future?)_

Lucy can't help but think her luck is terrible that she had to be the bearer of bad news. Lucy should know she hates bad news.

_(Like her mother's death and father's death and - oh yeah - the freaking apocalypse!)_

Lucy liked her normal, rambunctious life. She dreams of those days in her crappy apartment when Natsu would crawl into her bed without consent and she'd like it. She can almost feel his warmth, now, but _she knows he's not there._ He's most likely going insane and beating some unfortunate guild member or rival up right around now.

It's like a sixth sense she has. She can _just tell_. Beating people up is how he deals with stress.

The worst part about having your future told is that Lucy can feel the atmosphere changing and can see the foreshadowing in small actions of the past.

_(Like meeting Yukino. And fighting Flare. And falling into that cave or pit or _whatever _only to be challenged by the assasins or whoever they were. And meeting her future self.)_

And Jellal being there. She has a better sense of why he is here now that she was told what happens in the near future.

She had assumed that because he had missed Erza. She's certain she wasn't wrong because how can you not miss someone you love-

_(She knows she misses Natsu like a raging fire. Because he's never there anymore - too busy dealing with the end of the world.)_

-but there is always something else. There is always something keeping Erza and Jellal apart when they should be together. And it's true, but-

_(10,000 dragons. It seems like she's reading it straight out of a favorite book.)_

The tension makes her want to write. How can she feel like writing when the world is in chaos?

Lucy doesn't know. She wishes she could, though, so she can get her mind off this goddamn end-of-the-world and focus on new life.

_(If any of them survive.)_

Lucy knows Natsu will live, for sure, because how can he not when his will is as strong as his heart? And she knows the strength of his heart - the unwavering steadiness when times are tough. He'll get through it. He always does.

Because he is Natsu. And she is Lucy. _(And they belong together. She knows they do.)_

So he will always survive. And she will try for him-

_(And them)_

-though she may not be strong enough to make it. And that's okay. As long as _he_ doesn't stop breathing, she can be calm.

_(And then there's a sense of doubt because anything can happen when destiny is involved.)_

Lucy wishes it was not so. She wishes to be like she was, back when she first joined the guild and had fantasies of them together. For all of eternity, to the end of time. That time seems so far away.

The future comes nearer, still.

_(It's breathing down her neck, and then-)_

_(It's here.)_

_(She isn't ready.)_

* * *

**Oh my god, I managed to have less angst! I must be using it all up on this story! Oh, no!**

**Don't worry. Next one will be good and depressing, I'll make sure of it. Just for you lovelies.**

**And NaLu! I love this pairing to death. NaLu fluffs all over the place in this one. It seems like he's gone or dead or something in this one... I don't even know.**


	6. Extensive

**I AM SO MEAN TO YOU GUYS AND I JUST- I HAVE SO MUCH CRAP TO DO I AM SO SORRY. SHAAAAAME. AND THIS ONE ISN'T ALL THAT GOOD... T.T**

* * *

_**6. EXTENSIVE**_

.

.

Romeo's experiences have never been extensive.

_(He's never had a chance to perform at full potential.)_

That doesn't mean he wished for a big adventure, however. _(Okay, maybe he did-) _But he did _not_ intend for this to happen.

By the time the guild is informed, the sand in the hourglass slips away at full-speed. He is dazed and shocked.

_(When - what - how did this happen?)_

He doesn't _want_ dragons to come. He doesn't like losing, and this is a war that can never be won. It will be an incredible battle, surely, but he doesn't want it anymore.

Can't he turn back time to change what he asked for?

_(He's acting like it is his fault, because it has to be, who's fault can it be other than his?)_

Because he had _wanted_ it. He wanted it so badly - to prove that he could be as strong as Natsu and as brave as the others.

Is it wrong that he had wanted to impress someone and that brought disaster? But where is that determined Romeo now?

_(Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?)_

Even he doesn't know.

Because nothing is clear and he just wanted Natsu and _Wendy's_ approval. _(His father was right, girls are trouble.) _But he would never blame this on Wendy because it is not her fault. It is only his. He looks at what he has done and cringes to himself.

What can he do to change twisted fate? He's walking on threads to cross the ocean of despair. Romeo doesn't know what to do.

_(Does anyone out there know?)_

Fairy Tail should be able to rise above everything, but this mountain may be too high for even the strongest people he has ever known.

Based on the silence of the rest, Romeo can tell that he isn't the only one. Bisca and Alzack are no doubt terrified for themselves and their daughter.

_(That's right - does Asuka understand? Probably not. Maybe that curse would be more of a blessing than awaiting _this_.)_

So many people in Fairy Tail are probably regretting keeping things to themselves - feelings, apologies, goodbyes, anything that needs to be said - and he can see it on their faces.

It is on Romeo's as well.

Isn't there always something that you need to say?

_(He tries to take his wish back.)_

_(But it's out there now, bringing dragons.)_

_(It is the worst mistake Romeo has ever made.)_

* * *

**So how was that for angsty? Good? Bad?**

**I hope I did Romeo okay. I seem to do better on the innocent ones...**

**Also, I ****_had_**** to put that bit of Shakespeare in there. It was ****_calling to me._**

**HOPEFULLY, NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE ON TIME/TOMRROW IF I CAN MAKE IT. I'LL GO SIT IN THE CORNER NOW.**


	7. Fictitious

**I'm trying to be nice?**

* * *

_**5. FICTITIOUS**_

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At this point in time, Levy is unable to identify what is real and what is fictitious.

_(Maybe it's all in her head...)_

It's usually quite easy for her, being a fictional book-reader, but all bets are off. It's real, this isn't a _game_ anymore - it's life and it's terrifying and electrifying.

Levy is torn despite herself. She isn't ready for the crash and burn yet-

_(She still has so much to do and _say_- to Gajeel, to Lucy, to everyone.)_

The situation at hand is so intense and she doesn't know what to say to lighten the mood. The weight of the world is on Fairy Tail's shoulders, and even with all of the members, the weight is crushing and intense.

Levy is exhausted with all of this insanity and she only wants a _certain someone_ to just man-up already and take her away with him where she'll be safe and teased and loved. He should jump at the chance to be a prince. Her prince.

But, no. 'Princely' is not his type.

_(He's more like an awkward, protective, guilty dragon with a heart of gold. Scratch that - heart of iron.)_

She wants to confess. Her suffocating shell of nervousness and fear won't let her.

_(But why is she thinking about this when the world is ending? There's no time for stumbling over yourself when you're about to die.)_

She'll try not to die. She has too many friends who need her and she needs them, so if they die, she'll die as well. Not necessarily on the outside.

She feels tremors when she imagines that - the others disappearing from her sight. Forever. What a horrible thought, but she knows it isn't entirely impossible.

She wants this to be a story. A great, suspenseful novel full of romance and action and happy endings.

Her life has been a book, a seemingly perfect plot that only needs a good conclusion. It's been almost perfect, so far. A few edits here and there, and she coud put it on the shelves and make it a best-seller. But she needs an ending, one that leaves her wanting more.

_(This isn't what she means.)_

This is not _happy_, she isn't a princess and this is most definitely _not_ a fairy tale. Things never work out the way she plans. And it makes her disappointed.

_(She can't pretend this is what it isn't.)_

_(He made her strong once.)_

_(She needs to make herself strong this time.)_

* * *

**I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW FREAKING HARD LEVY WAS. MY GOD. And it's short. I'm not too happy with this one, and I feel like I'm disappointing all of you. Gray's is still the best one by far, and I think this angst is making me all depressed. /sighhhh**

**Ok I'm done. Review if you want? It will make my day! :)**


	8. Flawed

**MY GOD. YOU GUYS. DID YOU READ THIS WEEK'S CHAPTER OR SEE THE NEW EPISODE? I'M STILL DYING ABOUT ELFEVER COMING TO ANIMATION AND GRUVIAAAAAA MY LOVELY BABIES AND THEY'RE UNSPOKEN BOND. AND NALU AT THE END OF THE EPISODE.**

**And you probably heard about the anime ending March 30th, but i don't think that it will be forver. It will most likely be hiatus or something else is happening that doesn't end it permanently. They wouldn't do that in the middle of the arc. **

**Okay, I was on time! This is where my critic-self comes out.**

* * *

_**8. FLAWED**_

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Evergreen is aware that she is flawed.

_(She likes to think otherwise.)_

It's not like she pretends she's perfect all the time. _(Only sometimes.)_ She's observant of many people's flaws. Like her closest companions - Fried, Bixlow, _Laxus_.

Fried needs to get over his little crush on Mirajane. It'll get him nowhere to keep fawning over her like he does currently. _(Evergreen can't say anything about his love life, though, her's is more nonexistant than his.) _Bixlow is just - creepy. And crazy. He needs to find something to help him keep his tongue _in his mouth where it belongs_. It looks like he's panting most of the time and personally, Evergreen thinks it is extremely unattractive.

Laxus used to be idolized by the lot of them. The trio would follow him around always, ever-loyal, faithful companions who agreed with his lust for power.

_(What a miracle that he changed.)_

Laxus still has a power-complex, though not as huge as before. He just wants to knock all of his rivals down a peg.

_(Evergreen's group always loves watching him beat enemies of Fairy Tail to a pulp.)_

Elfman is a different story than all of them. He has countless flaws. But like the stars in the night sky, there are billions and yet without them, the midnight is incomplete.

But this is not about Evergreen. Or Laxus or Fried or Bixlow or Elfman, for that matter. It's bigger than all of them, all of _Fairy Tail_ put together.

_(And it has _so many freaking flaws,_ Evergreen wants to murder someone.)_

This entire situation bothers Evergreen to no end - like an itch she can't reach or an explanation she can't understand.

Nothing is right. This is all wrong. None of it is supposed to happen like it is happening. She wants to stop time.

_(But she can't - and it pisses her off.)_

There shouldn't be anything she can't do. This shouldn't be an exception. But is is. _(__And Evergreen is so angry that it is.) _She can't stop an apocalypse, if that's even what it is. Even she has her doubts. Maybe people are lying. Maybe this isn't really happening. Maybe they can come out of this alive. Maybe Fairy Tail can stop it all.

Maybe they should just let it be and let the world end. Maybe it won't. What then? Back to the same routine. To be honest, this is the most excitement she's gotten in a long while.

She can only try her best _(Which should be the best out of everyone.) _and hope they all came out in one piece. Though against all this, she doesn't think they have very good chances.

_(Too bad.)_

_(When she is angry, nothing can stop her.)_

_('Nothing' includes this situation.)_

* * *

**Next one is Canaaaaaaa.**


	9. Prideful

**Wonderful, wonderful people, know that I love you all very much. All y'all. Love. Thanks for putting up with my angst and depressing thoughts. I've been getting by by winging it and, fortunately, you've liked it. So thanks~**

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_**9. PRIDEFUL**_

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All Cana ever wanted was to make someone proud.

_(At the moment, it's Gildarts, but she doesn't really succeed, in her perspective.)_

Part of it wasn't her fault - her father had no idea he even had a child, let alone the Cana he knew. Cana didn't tell him for years.

Then, she did. It was a bit of a disaster, but they managed. Things were fine for a few minutes. Then, Acnologia came and destroyed all hope of surviving. But they did.

_(Cana has no idea how they keep living after they almost die all the time.)_

And seven years came and went. And then they returned to chaos, but they still hung on. Cana started drinking again, Natsu and Gray returned to petty fighting, Erza being the violent peace-maker once again. And the Grand Magic Games came.

Cana finally had a chance to make Gildarts proud. Hopefully, they don't die before she can.

So she does her best in the Games, making _Fairy Tail_ proud. Proud of her, proud of each other. She uses Fairy Glitter, and silently prays Gildarts is watching. All she ever wanted was recognition.

And Gildarts watches, because she is his daughter and he loves her so very much - always has, even if he never knew. And he is proud of her - always will be. Cana imagines that is what he will say when she sees him again. Fantasies are so much better than reality, after all. Gildarts is gone a few days after the seven year time skip. Back to the same routine he always had.

_(She is less bothered now that she told him she is his daughter. She's glad she got that off her chest.)_

Cana is beaten by Bacchus at her own game and it makes her angry, because he was so presumtuous and she wants to smack that stupid triumphant grin off his face. She's too drunk to.

But in her drunken stupor, she wonders what would have happened if her father had been there. Most likely, he would have stood up for her against Bacchus in some ridiculous, goofy way, trying to make up for all those years.

_(He doesn't have to.)_

But he wasn't. She doesn't mind all that much, he was barely ever there before, why would he be now? Maybe because he knew now, what was left for him back at the guild _(or hotel, this time)_. But she says nothing. At least he wasn't there for her failure. She would've hated that more than she hates his absence now.

_(She won't fail again, she reassures herself. Not to anything.)_

_(So Cana drinks. And drinks.)_

_(And in her mind, she wins.)_

* * *

**Forgot to mention it, but last chapter was the halfway mark! We're almost done, sadly, but I might do another story after it's over. I know I just posted _Natsu On The Cliff By The Sea _yesterday, and I'll continue that, but maybe another. Who knows.**

**Reviews always make me happy, and next chapter is one of the most angsty characters of the anime and one of my personal favorites. Can you guess?**


	10. Distant

**10 chapters. Wow. I can remember when I only posted chapter three and was complaining about wanting to post more than one in a day. I love all of you who have stuck with me thus far, and I hope I rise to your expectations for the remainder of the story.**

**(For the last chapter: I don't know how it came out that way! My NaLu story made me feel all fluffy!)**

**And yes, you guessed it.**

**JELLAL, MY LOVE. MY PRECIOUS, ANGSTY, SELF-LOATHING, BEAUTIFUL PERSON, YOU.**

* * *

_**10. DISTANT**_

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Jellal distances himself from everyone he loves.

_(It is safer for them all this way.)_

He doesn't deserve their love, so he refuses it, like he should. He doesn't deserve any pity or kindness though he continues to get it after everything and he can't understand why because he is different now. So full of regret, Jellal is lonely in his thoughts. His past actions eat away at him inside. He can never repent for everything.

He tries, desperately. There has to be something he can do - that's what he says to himself as he becomes Mystogan and enters the Grand Magic Games. He has to do something to help. For Erza, for everything Fairy Tail has done for him. He can't let them die. He refuses to let his debt go unpaid.

_(And it _has_ to be paid. No matter what.)_

Jellal has too many worries, so he focuses on one. Not that it makes the others go away, but it helps to pinpoint one goal at a time. That way he can slowly work his way up to being himself again.

_(The guilt is a terrible burden. And he deserves it. So he carries it alone.)_

It is not anyone's fault but his. He should've stopped Zeref or lying Future Lucy sooner. That way, he wouldn't have to see Fairy Tail and Natsu and _Erza_ in so much _pain_ because he can't _stand _to see them _(her) _hurt any more than they already have.

(_It's like a pattern.)_

Something terrible is preparing to fight. Fairy Tail and their strong, _strong_ hearts defeat the enemy. Something even more evil than the last is sprung, like an aftershock. And it is always worse. And Fairy Tail is victorious again. Like it should be.

_(This time, he isn't so sure it will be once again like clockwork.)_

It might, he has much faith in the rambunctious guild home to Erza. They are strong, he has no doubt. But, will it be enough? Probably not. And it makes him regret his decisions more than ever.

He sounds like a poet. He's tired. They should have a break for once. That would be nice.

But it's too late. Either they live or die. If they live, they deserve a reward. If Jellal lives, it's back to the shadows. That has always been the plan, hasn't it?

_(He dreams of a future with Erza.)_

_(Being in Fairy Tail with her. Living in the light.)_

_(It's too late now.)_

* * *

**Jellal. Is. Freaking. Impossible. To. Write. I wouldn't suggest you try it. This took me about a week to do. I just couldn't get past the 450-mark.**

**IS IT ANGSTY ENOUGH? AM I LOSING MY DEPRESSION?**

**And yes, I am a blondie. :3**

**OK NOW IT'S TIME TO WRITE LIKE I AM BREATHING MY LAST DYING BREATH BECAUSE THIS IS ALL I HAD PLANNED.**

**WELL**


	11. AN: I am terrible

**AN:**

**I am so blocked. I am so sorry.**

**I am just so blank on ideas! Next chapter is going to be Laxus, and I just can't write ****_anything!_**** And it is so frustrating!**

**Well, since I don't have many ideas, I'm gonna wait a bit before updating again. Maybe I can get over my writer's block on this story and eventually update again, and don't worry, I definitely will! Just gotta get over my block first. -.-**

**Please don't hate me! Have no fear, I will be back!**

**Until next time, okay?**

**Please stay with me. I love you all too much to abandon this story. I just hope you guys can forgive me. T.T**

**I apologize if you were expecting a new chapter. I am a terrible person and I will try my best to get over my block!**

**~Kate**


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